November 19, 2011
I’ve been thinking about the piece Journey of Love that I wrote last week. Someone read it and commented “different journey for different people” and I took a moment to really think about that. When I wrote it, I was only thinking about my own marriage and how if it were ever in jeopardy I would fight tooth and nail to keep that love alive….but for some, like my friend – perhaps the love is just….gone. If there is one thing I’ve learned in my life, when love is gone…it’s gone, and all that’s left is a huge gray space that consumes you. The wind just whistles through the hole in your heart for the whole world to hearand the gray seeps through your skin, clouds your eyes, leaving you a ghost of who you once were. You feel like an empty shell floating through the day…going through the motions so that you can get from morning to night to morning again. Walking aimlessly,walking lost – because your heart is not there to guide you, to comfort you and no amount of talking or crying will help. At that point – walking away is like waking up…you are at least moving in a direction. Like stepping on broken glass,every step is painful – but you are walking towards a place where you can stand in a pain free zone, no matter how far away that place might seem to be and you know somewhere deep inside that it is there – if you just face forward and focus on the horizon.
So maybe for this woman – perhaps the journey of love has brought her to an uncomfortable and frightening fork in the road – clouds on one side, a forest on the other. It’s not a place that I would ever want to find myself, although I have stood where she stands now…and what I know is that the only way I got to my Place of Love was to take a step forward at that fork….so I am here – on the other side where love lives and the best I can do is to extend my hand to help steady her as she takes one step or the other and let her know that the sun is out here….and it’s a beautiful day.
There is hope…there is always hope.
December 30, 2010
There is nothing like the holiday season to remind you about the value of forgiveness and how we chain ourselves to our hurt. I don’t think we even realize that we’re doing it – it just feels so comfortable and dammit – we earned the right! …….Or so we tell ourselves. But truthfully, we are only turning the key into the lock of pain’s prison and the funny part is that we are always in possession of that key – that key of redemption, that once we turn and open – butterflies rush out -reminding us that we are alive and that we can move forward.
What happened behind us – is indeed behind us. We have to let go because no matter how many ways we replay it in our minds – what’s done is done and we can’t change it….there is no DeLorean coming for us – no way to go back and undo or redo….that vehicle left when it did and now we must move on -one step at a time – one foot in front of the other.
If you do nothing else this New Year…forgive – forgive others and most importantly – Forgive Yourself….I promise that you’ll feel better – you will come alive and realize that you’ve been asleep all this time…a thousand butterflies will fly out and you will know that you are free.