February 28, 2018

The complexities of Friendship have been on my mind lately. Perhaps because of certain changes I am seeing or just a new awareness that I am experiencing (you’re never too old to learn!).

The lack of effort in some people that we call our friends to connect is intriguing, although I have to be honest and confess that I too have been on the other end of that very peculiar habit.

Why is it so difficult and take so much effort to see someone we call “Friend?” Because here is the most ironic part of this situation -when we do indeed finally make that connection, we come away feeling so energized, motivated and inspired. Why wouldn’t we go to the ends of the earth to create that scenario and experience those exhilarating feelings on a more regular basis?  I know that I always feel like a more complete, balanced person when I’ve spent some time with a friend. Friends adjust the tiny  gears in our souls that make us better running machines.

I also know, that as I get (just a tad!) older, I become less interested in trying to convince friends to get together. I am not willing to move heaven and earth anymore. Energy  is a precious commodity and it has limits and I would rather spend my energy on those who truly want to receive and exchange it.



The 5 O’Clock

February 28, 2018

I have a friend who is leaving…again. We went through the same scenario 15 years ago when she moved with her family clear across the country and as luck would have it, it was at one of the worst times in my life. I was going through my own personal crisis and so needed her. Yet – despite the 3,00 miles between us, we still managed to keep up our “5 O’Clock”  – that’s what we called it when we lived a mere 4 blocks apart and called each other everyday on the phone at the witching hour; dinner prep/ homework with our older kids.

Now, she is moving again – but this time, for herself. She is an empty-nester and changing career paths by being back in school and is also caring for an aging mother on the side. I will, of course, miss her more than words can say – mostly because I have always relied on her just “being there” and recently came to the realization that I didn’t appreciate that fact and took it for granted, It recently dawned on me that there were times when she felt completely alone (kids aside) and I was busy and consumed with living my own life and juggling my family, and life had become increasingly complicated with a terminally ill parent ….but you know what I realized? While those are perfectly good reasons – they are not a good enough excuse to leave a friendship unattended – to leave a friend floating out on the big sea of life on a little raft. Of course, I was not her only friend; there were others who could have stepped up to the plate – but I can only accept my part of the responsibility, and I do.

….sadly, truth be told –  the 5 O’Clock has long since passed in our lives….but maybe there is room for the new, early morning call (thank you menopause 🙂 )


What size is your High-Hat?

February 25, 2018

I am going to go out on a limb and assume that judging is an exhausting pastime – or perhaps it is an intoxicating hobby? At any rate – we have ALL been judged at one time (or perhaps for some, regularly).

The annoying thing about this little human penchant is that, for the most part when you are being judged, you are already well aware of your weakness. and honestly – you hardly ever need that spotlight – especially when you are working on ridding the less-than-perfect feature.

Ironically – those that watch, assess and  criticize never seem to recognize their own weakness or bad habit – funny how that spotlight shines in only one direction.

Drifting Apart

February 3, 2018

There are people in our lives – good friends, close friends, neighbors, co-workers,  confidants. People with whom we spend our every day –  and over time, we somehow seem to just noticeably float apart. No harsh words fall between us and there is no falling out….just a silent, simple, subtle and undefined drifting that leaves a soulful sense of confusion and emptiness

Over the years I have wondered and often agonized at how these driftings could have occurred and I miss these people because from time to time, each one of them in their own special way were the effortless magic thread in the fabric of my daily life. Some had that perfect, unspoken warm and knowing glance or smile that I needed…and some just made me laugh…hysterically. I still feel the same way about these wonderful people who, for a long time, filled all the tiny holes that we all carry in our hearts and souls. Where, how and why did all those intimate connections seep out of my soul? I have spent years mourning some of the losses, trying to decipher the reason why these deeply important connections just evaporated away.

Then, recently, it dawned on me that perhaps, it’s simply a case of us not needing each other anymore – maybe we gave each other all and everything that each of us needed at the time…and no matter how much we miss the laughter, private jokes and warm knowing glances. it’s time to move on from each other so that new people will have room to fill in those spaces for the new experiences that we will have.



June 15, 2017

Assumption. One of the great faux pas’s of life – and yet generally a truly innocent act. We think that we know someone so well that we can answer for them – and while that might indeed be very true most of the time…there is that occasional “Oops” that translates itself into an assumption (yeah yeah yeah – I know – “Assume – it makes an Ass out of U and Me”.
Now, sometimes assumption is dark and travelling on the left side of the road of life – as in; “certain cultures behave in a certain way “- just because it is “so” (um…SO wrong, that is!) other times it comes in the innocent form of an educated guess that someone you know and care about thinks/feels/wants what you think – and are pretty sure…well fairly sure… they do want.

A lot of the time you can be spot on right – and that can be so cool…but when you’re wrong – oooooh look out – not a great ending to any story.

So – what you should take away from this is:

Best to Never Assume,,,,it indeed can quickly make an Ass out of U and Me.


May 20, 2017

Looking in the mirror, I gave myself the “once over” before dinner guests arrived. My hairdresser had given me a cute blow-out and style (which instantly took 10 years off – thank you Shauna!)and I slipped on a funky – yes,I said it – FUNKY new top and i even took the time to swipe on some of that red lipstick that I’m famous for. Not Bad! I thought. I looked pretty cute and very pulled together. After putting in the unique bohemian style earrings that my son had given me for Mother’s Day last year, I stood backed. The delicate chains around my neck looked good too -simple and classic – not only a great “finishing touch” but they didn’t compete with the glitzy top I was wearing.The I paused to think of minute….

Wait a minute here – I don’t have any plain chain necklaces – all of mine have a charm of sorts at the end.

OM fricking G!!

I grabbed my reading glassed and slipped them on to confirm. Those were not pretty gold chains…those were neck bands….”chains” left by years of living – that’s right – WRINKLES!!
Apparently, I now have wrinkle bands around my neck…W-H-A-T? Are you kidding me?!! My next panicky thought was – Why, oh why did I wait until almost age 50 to start creaming my neck…my European Grandmother, in her heavy Hungarian accent, had regularly warned me from the time I was about 12 years old to Cream your neck – that’s where a woman’s age truly begins to show.
And by the way – never mind the damned neck lines – the fact that I needed to put on my reading glassed to see them…?
Oh Dr. Mark (optometrist extraordinaire) – when I call you tomorrow, you’d better squeeze me in for an appointment!
Meanwhile dear Readers – please forgive any typos I may have made in this freaked out emotional blog – my hands are greasy from the pint of cream I just slathered on.
Can this situation be saved or am I doomed to wear scarves and pose for pictures with my head head at awkward angle?
Funny thing is – none of this ever occurred to me because without a doubt, I so certainly feel in my mid-thirties and not one day over that.
Strangely funny, because my neck chains beg to differ!

Oh Sixteen

April 8, 2017

My youngest daughter accompanied me to the mall this afternoon – big surprise, she’s sixteen. As we waited, stuck for awhile in traffic, I turned to look at her perfect sixteen year old profile. Flawless skin(at least to my middle aged self) bright eyes shining as she talked excitedly, flipping from topic to topic as they do at this age. I didn’t hear everything she said because I was so busy committing burning this nothing – and yet everything moment, into my mind – into my heart.
It’s these little moments that are the most memorable, not the birthdays and graduations or other “firsts” in life. It’s these moments when you see someone…really see (and feel) someone…and that moment lasts forever – it’s as if you know it at the exact moment – fleeting and forever, all at the same time.