January 13, 2019

My mom is 90…she would kill me if she knew that I “exposed” her age, Lol!

Two years ago she lost her love-match, her best friend, her partner of 65 years on this journey of life – my Dad, and is now struggling to find her way…struggling to find her way – 10 years off of 100.

I try my best to help – to listen – to comfort…but here I am with a still growing family, a husband who I adore…a full life. I don’t know (as hard as I  may try) what it must be like to have outlived all of your peers…does anyone really understand you anymore at this point?

Two of my dearest friends lost a parent in the last month. One, a father, with whom she reconnected after many years – and served to ignite a part of her growing up that she may not have fully understood until recently….what a gift!!

The other friend was very close to her mother. They shared so much….I understand this fully. My mother and I are two VERY different people – different “types” and yet we found this wonderful common ground. We had so many fabulously fun times doing the mundane….grocery shopping, clothes shopping and coffee shops…sharing in the everyday lives of my children. No one has ever been as interested in the minute details of my life as my mother has been….and now – there is a strange and lonely divide.

She is, at times  – slipping away from me. Oh, she still has all her faculties…but since my Dad has been gone – there has been an absence of joy…that carefree joy that we shared when we would have a laugh and endless conversation over coffee then go shopping …and keep laughing….

Things are changing  – and as grown-up as I am…I am still my mother’s child…and I miss the ease of the conversation and laughter…I miss my “old” mom…my friend.


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