Strange wanderings

January 18, 2015

My son moved out 5 months ago. Just the fact that I wrote it that way – “5 months ago” – reminds me of how when your children are very small you count things in their lives by the months. You know; they are 12 weeks old instead of 3 months old; they’ve been eating solids for 4 weeks instead of a month etc. I’m sitting here grinning at myself…..once a mom….

So, yes – my son moved out 5 months ago. He’s 24 (and a half – Lol!) and it was time. By that, I mean that it was the perfect time. He was ready and I have a firm belief that everyone should have the opportunity to experience living alone at least once in their lives. When you live alone you have time to be truly still and quiet – you can really study and ponder your heart’s desires….you can wander around your apartment feeling lonely or bored or if need be, you can scream out loud in disappointment and frustration and you can break down and cry a river of tears when your heart has been broken, without any judgement  and without the comfort of anyone which can not only be cathartic but also give you the chance to then pick yourself up and stand shakily tall….and realize that yes, you will be okay. Essentially, you learn to survive – you get the chance to really know who you truly are.

Now, my son lives in the same city so we get to see him pretty much every weekend. He enjoys being an active part of our family, not to mention that he likes to come home for a real “meal” as he calls it (I have always loved to cook and bake) and do his laundry in the comfort of a clean laundry room. He plays video games with his sisters, helps with homework with his youngest sister and my husband gets to rehash all the heavy news stories and engage in “tech-talk” with someone who actually understands what he is saying and not simply smiling politely (listen, I can barely manage my cell phone!). For me? Well….truthfully, there’s not too much room for me when he comes home – but that’s ok – that’s just they way it is right now. I had years, so many years of being “the one” – being the main focus of my children’s lives;  The Almighty, All-Knowing Mother.

What prompted me to write this was that it occurred to me how weird it is to have lived with someone all of their lives, to have had them be the reason you got up in the morning (and not been able to sleep at night!). To have had their every need – from basic survival, like eating, sleeping or tending to them when they were sick – to entertaining and playing with them. School, birthday parties and play-dates…all part of your every “work” day (I always viewed my choice to be a stay-at home mom – a Career choice).

Now – you see them once a week, or once a month or once a year, depending on your situation. It’s not like breaking up with someone….it’s like a purposeful drifting apart – and it’s fine – it’s good – it’s normal and the way life goes…..but it is strange.

And so now, it’s me who is wandering through the house, alone in my thoughts…..twenty years ago – who’d have thought?

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