I blinked

September 6, 2014

My son came home for dinner last weekend, bringing his laundry in tow. I smiled – I expected it. We had a nice family evening, everyone catching up on each other’s week – pretty much like any other Sunday night dinner….but as I looked at him sprawled on the couch, chatting away, I realized that he would be going home tonight. Home – his home – not ours. Seemed funny for a moment because he hasn’t been moved out for very long and so it just seemed so natural that he would be bounding up to his room in the next 5 minutes to study or catch up on email etc.

We got into the car to drive him to his apartment – my husband, my youngest daughter and my son. Of course the two kids in the backseat were just that – being kids – all the way there, like always. We arrived in front of his apartment building  and he pulled out his laundry basket from the trunk. I felt I needed to get out of the car for a moment – so I could give him a hug. He stood in front of me , so tall….I don’t remember when it was that he got so tall. I hugged him and whispered in his ear that I missed him – I hadn’t realized how much because the whole experience had been a whirlwind and now, bathed in the glow of the streetlights,  I suddenly had a moment to catch my breath…and I was surprised how it stuck in my throat. I exhaled and put my best Mom face on – I didn’t want him to feel bad. This was a great time in his life and I wanted him to know that…so I smiled and silently thanked the night for being so dark…and watched him walk away – walk into his own home.

I rolled down the window on that hot summer night – and the air smelled like 1993….would I find my toddler in his footed pyjamas waiting for me at home? Silly silly me – I chastised myself – of course not. How fast had I been blinking? I prided myself for always being in the moment and enjoying my children – staying home with them, playing with them, learning and growing with them. The thing is that I was always so very aware that this day would come….but I didn’t know that it would have happened in a blink.

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