Where does the magic go?

February 6, 2014

I stopped by my parents’ home today to visit and say hello. My father has ALS which has been a tremendous blow to our family – we never saw it coming….a man who, although 86, puts most of us to shame with how active and in-shape he has always been. Walking 2 miles daily – rain or shine, and not in a shuffling elderly way – always striding at a clip, shoulders back.   He also worked  out at the gym three times a week  for the last 60 years – and by the way; never liked doing the “senior group” – always wanted to push himself and work out with young people. However, this is what Life has decided to hand him and we have no choice but to accept it. One of the incredible lessons has been the moments of insight I have had into my parents 60 year-long love affair….I have always known that they loved each other and they have never been afraid to show their devotion and affection, on a daily basis. They have also felt free express their normal marital differences from time to time – so I never had a skewed idea of what marriage was all about.

But, it is the intimate moments that I have accidentally witnessed.

One day, while in the hospital  awaiting results from a series of tests due to a false scare that he was suffering from a pulmonary embolism; I was sitting behind them in the waiting room and my mother suddenly said quietly “We had some really great times – didn’t we?”  and added “It seems like just yesterday. We had so much fun…”

My dad responded with a tired smile and nodded. “We sure did… it’s all in here” he said, pointing to his chest…to his heart.

I had to hold back the tears because it was not my time.

Today, while chit-chatting about life in general, my dad pointed out to my mother that the times that she holds most dear were the times when my sister and I were small children and they were a young couple – a young family. He reminisced about how they used to get together with their group of friends  – other young couple with young families. Glory days; for most of those lovely, fun-loving people, all of whom were a big part of my daily life….are long gone.

Once again – I kept the tears to myself because  it is not my time.

I often sit and talk with my husband and wonder out loud with him – where do all these wonderful times that we are having now, the good feelings, the long evenings of parties and gatherings with family and friends, all the hysterical laughter – where do these moments of magic go ….once we  – go?


One Response to “Where does the magic go?”

  1. There is a part of us that was never born and because of that plain fact…will never die.

    When you ask a child to point to himself he’ll instinctively point to his chest…not his head…(or his leg) because that’s where he “is”.

    In there is an indescribable feeling of connection to something that is far greater than anyone of us alone. It’s an unspoken singularity that exists outside of time. Your “I”-ness.

    That’s where the magic comes from…and that’s where the magic retreats to when it’s time.

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