Wondering Where I Stand

November 13, 2011

The time between having a 4 year old preschooler who hangs onto your hand and your every word and the 18 year old teenager that has no time for you is this cavernous space in time….it never seems like all that long ago to you, the adult.
If I just close my eyes…she’s 3 years old, baking cookies, waiting for Santa to arrive…I am right there, standing beside her.
…She’s 8 years old and getting braces put on for the first time – in any color of her choice…and I stand by her.
…Then she’s 10 years old….in the science fair, making prefect at school …she’s having sleepovers and we’re busy at the kitchen table creating crazy arts and crafts projects…I am there, standing by.
…She’s 12 and starting high school – all the uncertainty and trepidation, but of course … I stand by her – drive her and pick her up – even though I know she is capable of taking the bus….more school projects, new girlfriends….slowly venturing out into the world, broken hearts, broken friendships…she is growing up…quietly, I stand by.
…Then Graduation which leads to college and new friends….new expereinces…new influences…and carefully – very carefully, I choose a place to still stand by.
….at this point all I can offer up is our home, our bar-b-que…our open arms…then she’s 18 – I know that somewhere in the corner of her heart she is ready to fly – but not yet ready…and still I stand by… with my unasked for guidance and support…the only mothering tools that I have left to bestow…and I know that all I can do from now on is to quietly…..stand by.

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