Bathing Suit Dilemma

January 29, 2010

So here I am in the changing room of the store  – once again trying to squirm myself into an item of clothing. Unfortunately – I have to buy a swim suit today. This is not a job for the faint of heart (or large of ass) it is a  job for “willows” – those lovely slender folk who slip into clothing and then try to make them fit (like…”can I get this brought in here just a titch?”) not those of us who hold our breath, praying no to hear that “Oops there goes a seam” sound. But today, I am confident – why the hell not – right?! I stride into the change room area with a promising armful of black, navy (a carefully placed stripe on each to bring the eye upppppp-ward) and the ever non-descript taupe/charcoal/I dropped in the mud color….and then, because I am shopping with my FA gal pal (a friend who shares my heartfelt sentiments about the Fat Ass department….but has now since gone on to become a svelte bitch in knee high suede boots, and who has more confidence in her pinky…yeah, as if it will fit there now!) that anyone woman I know – I become daring and choose a bright color too – because, I LOVE bright colors.

So there I go, into the changing room where there is no Narnia on the other side, and try on one after the dark, minimizing color other. Hmmmm – funny – but none of them make me look the 30lbs lighter I was going for. I call Barb on her cell,  she is gallivanting in the lingerie department. “Do these (dark colors) make me look slimmer? She chortles – “No- go with the color – you might as well”.

And so, Today I will be lowering myself into the pool, resplendent in a radiant glow of hot pink….and I will be silently praying that the purple flower on my butt is strategically placed in such a way that it causes you to look waaaaaay up….and anyway – my kids love me for who I am and that’s really what it’s about….but make no mistake – I will be hitting that treadmill this afternoon!

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One Response to “Bathing Suit Dilemma”

  1. Barbara Says:

    Nice story! This made me laugh…even with the 60 pound loss…the girl, still has junk in the trunk! And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

    As far as wearing a red bathing suit. You can always distract the masses by that side pose, that makes us all look slightly airbrushed..


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